Ready or Not...here comes PuppyLove

Close your eyes and think back. Do you remember your first crush? Your first kiss? I DO!!!! My first "real kiss" and crush were with the same person. To this day that man still makes my heart skip a beat. He is a few years older than me. When I was in high school I was completely devastated when I learned he was getting married...Heartbreak Hotel.  Do you remember the first time that special someone made you cry? Did you have anyone to talk to? Were you able to tell your mom, your dad?

Looking back, and not being judgmental, I am saddened that I did not experience that special mother/daughter bond. While our relationship has taken some work, we are much closer today. I am also blessed in that I have a great friendship and parenting relationship with my ex-husband. Even before our divorce we made a conscious decision to raise our children differently from what we experienced. For those who may know our mothers I do want to point out that this is not a slight against them but hopefully we all learn how to be better parents and people from those around us. For those who know us both or just me, you know how much we parent together. We want our children to understand that while there are boundaries, expectations, non-negotiables and consequences for their actions that they still have a voice that can be heard as well as a safe space with us. We both agree, particularly in these days, that our children should know that opposed to putting their life in danger or making a life-altering decision that they can come to us. There are times, even when it is hard to bite the tongue, that they need an adult listening ear. For those with doubts, believe me when I say that our children fully understand that we are their parents and not their friends. 

Last weekend I finally set both feet into the role of parenting teenagers. Not the tug and pool of rearing young men and women to be productive beings in the world, but I stepped into the reality that it is time for male/female relationships. Whether I am ready or not - it is here. Of course you know I can't go without my side note sooo...one thing I have promised myself is that even in blogging I will honor my children's right to privacy and space. However in my house I am like the Huxtables...this is not a democracy....privacy is a privilege and not a right!  That being said, I will limit my disclosure of their issues and stuff. 

Anyway this all started two years ago with my oldest daughter's liking of this boy for whom I will refrain from giving my personal commentary! But lets just say he is not someone I would have picked for her plus he and my son had some issues a couple of years ago. But I am the adult and kids do kids things so I try not to hold it against him....too much anyway. Now, this liking thing between the two of them grew a little too much for both set of parents. After a few minor infractions, too much time on the telephone and too many mutual friends - last summer we (the parents on both sides) decided that they needed to spend the summer without being able to communicate with one another. They were not allowed to talk on the phone, email or be in the same company of friends. Of course we were not dumb enough to believe that this was going to be exactly foolproof - they are kids. But for the most part it worked.

So here comes 8th grade with the liking still there much to my dismay. Of course I didn't even think about asking that their lockers not be anywhere near each other. And of course they are close together. Fortunately they have no classes together as he is in 7th grade. "Come on," I told her, "are you trying to be a cradle robber?" Truthfully his bday is in November but they are the same age. LOL...I am not that bad...sike...yes I am but we all know what happens when your parents go hating on someone you like. Thus, I have contained myself to a few comments here and there. 

Anyway during the course of this year they have decided to remain friends but still talk very often, see each other in school, have the same friends, etc. They both still really like each other but he is a boy and does stupid boy stuff, hence my blog. In keeping their "so-called" right to privacy I won't go into details. All I will say is that last weekend on a drive home I heard a conversation between she and her sister. I remained quiet and listened to the story about how she never wanted to talk to him again and would not be his friend. (Haven't I heard this story before?) I laughed to myself as she talked about her "girls" having her back, wanting to dog him out etc. However, she being the young lady we have raised her to be, told her "girls to just leave him alone. She has it covered (so she thinks is my thought). 

Of course Inspector Mom secretly listened as she sang along with the radio, but was really gathering as much of the 411 as possible. You know a part of me was hoping that this bull crap was coming to an end. Then....as we go into the house I see tears in her eyes. Are you freakin' kidding me? "Come on God, is this some cruel joke, payback for something I did to my mother...WHAT!??!!" This is freakin' puppy love, as our parents called it. I know her feelings are hurt but really? We haven't even begun to touch the REAL heartbreak yet. As I say this last part in my head, the unfortunate reality sets in that we really haven't hit those agonizing moments yet. While it has been my life's work to steward them into teenagedom (I know it's not a real word) and guide them into adulthood - I have also spent the last 13 years watching over them, protecting them.  But mommie can not block every pain and prevent every heartbreak. But - I can be her strong arm, the shoulder she needs to cry on, the ear she needs to talk to, the loving face she needs to see, the encouraging whisper in her head, the comfort she needs to hug her.

As I saw the tears in her eyes I remembered that although she has grown to think a public hug is embarrassing, prefers to spend more time with her friends (or room) and often thinks my presence is an intrusion - she is my firstborn baby. She's my little girl and I just want to bandage her "booboo." She, much to my surprise, lets me take her into my arms and hug her. She lays her head on my shoulder and cries. For the first time in a long while she let's her mom hug her, kiss her head and listens as I tell her what a beautiful young lady she is (inside and out), that her feelings are hurt right now and although she can't see it...this too shall pass.

Back to Reality

Tomorrow the Paxton chaos returns: my vacation ends and all of us are back to school. I should also mention that I seeing blogging as a combination of writing something mentally prepared and what comes to mind so you will find an occasional off the subject commentary. I say this because as I wrote the Paxtons I remember how my sister-in-law use to refer to them as the Little People. At Thanksgiving one of them, I think Dakarai, suggested that she now call them the same size people...lol. Anyway, I must admit that it has been ages but I finally took some time just to sleep, eat, relax, watch T.V. and be a total bum. ENJOYED IT!!! 

Nonetheless, my fairy tale will come to an end when I open my eyes at 5 a.m. to face yet another jammed packed week with meetings, catching up on endless emails, wrestling matches, homework, reading and did I say wrestling matches. Tuesday is going to be crazy - there is a 7:30 finance committee mtg, a wrestling tournament at 4:15 and a board meeting at 6:30 for which I have prepared for over my last vacation weekend. Then there is a wrestling match on Thursday and a freakin' tournament on Saturday. Let's talk about this wrestling stuff. I grew up loving WWF with Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, etc. and even watch it now with my son. But the true athletic wrestling - well it's a little different. I am a sports nut but this does not exactly suit my fancy. 

This all started when Dakarai was the last person to get cut from basketball tryouts. An unfortunate but probably humbling experience for my little jock. A good lesson that despite your God given talents it may not always work out, you have to practice even in the off season and always give your best effort. Our filler - wrestling. Plus everyone tells us that it will help him with football which is his number one sport. Now let me say that I didn't realize that boys' bodies could bend and contort the way they do. Secondly, can we not find some other type of uniform for growing boys than than those glorified speedos----ugh!!!! They remind me of the old time bathing suits but these are made of spandex. Plus my son has a nice backside as the YOUNG GIRLS have put it. BTW...(and this is a rhetorical question) why are my oldest daughter's friends checking out my son's backside. I am not feeling that! I am soooo not ready for that! 

Have you ever been to a tournament? OMG!!! (Sidenote: I crack myself up. As I wrote OMG it made me think of the song where they go: "OMG Becky, look at her butt").  Those who know me know that I am a little off so back to the subject at hand. Those tournaments - how long, boring and tedious can they get? While I support the team as a whole, your kid may wrestle once every 2 to 3 hours. To be completely honest while there are a couple of them that I like to see wrestle, I really don't want to see every freakin' kid wrestle. I know this doesn't sound nice but it is what it is. Then you are there from sunrise to sunset. Really!?! My backside is too old to sit on bleachers that long, it is big enough already and doesn't need help. 

Well, I have obviously gone off on a tangent expressing some bottled up thoughts so I am signing off. Who knows this may turn out to be better than therapy...

Welcome to 2012

First let me thank my sister-in-law, Erica, for the name of my blog. She affectionately calls me Sister Mary. I am my maternal grandmother's namesake: Mary Alice. I grew up detesting this name and referred to it as some country bumpkin name. I told my mother that I was going to change it when I became an adult. Well, obviously I did not. Although I am referred to as Mary, except by family, I have come to appreciate being named after my grandmother who died a few months before I was born. Apparently there are few things we have in common, besides my mother. I have a strong 6th sense as she did, I love hats (especially for church) and I have her beautiful smile.

I apologize in advance as this first post will be a lot of rambling...but there is just a few things I need to get out before I really get started. For those who know me a just a little here is some background information. I am a divorced mother of 3 children: Eboni, Dakarai, and Jazmyn who are now ages 11, 12 and 13. I have officially declared myself a workaholic and a glutton for punishment. Besides heading the advancement department of a Catholic high school, I am beginning the 3rd year of my doctorate program while juggling the academic/social life of my children as well as our spiritual life.

The end of 2011 found me doing a lot of reflection. While I am extremely blessed, I realize that my spiritual life has hit a bump in the road. Maybe it comes from being in my 40's and seeing life differently. Maybe it comes from feeling tired of playing church and neglecting the true experience of God. Maybe it comes from realizing what world my children are growing up in, how things are continuously changing (and not necessarily for the better) and wondering what legacy will be left to them. Along with that I am now facing the challenge of rearing 3 teenagers whose job is to obviously buck the system and become their own individuals. No doubt, anyone who knows my children already understand that they each have their very own distinct personality. But, I want to make sure that they continue to live and make decisions with the values, morals and spiritual foundation they have been given. Some of this I already witness as I listen to Eboni give her friends advice, as I watch Dakarai take up for a friend who is being bullied or buying his friend a movie ticket. Then there is Jazmyn who showed concern when one of our students, who could be considered a misfit, was sitting on the steps looking dejected, befriends the mentally challenged students in her school and cares for animals.

Then there is the flip side - living the nightmare of every parent with teenagers from the female emotional roller coaster to the young male who thinks he has acquired some manhood...lol. BTW...Eboni will be attending the school where I work next year. That will be a journey in itself - working at the high school your children attend. Then there is the tug and pull of whether or not I want a love life. While I have truly listened to my best friend and her husband tell me that at the end of the day there is nothing like having that person to lay your head on his shoulders or some one to share those little moments with...some days I feel guilty for not really wanting that. Have I become too comfortable in my own solitude? Like any human, I desire companionship but I don't how much I want to sacrifice to have it. Very often I like coming home not having to worry about anyone but the kids. I can give them sandwiches, take out, etc. I don't have to worry about that other body...talking to him, taking care of him, etc. Does that sound really selfish and crass? Hmmm. It is what it is.

Anyhooo....I have always loved journaling so I have decided to blog my next few years experience - the highs and the lows of my life from raising my teenage children, to earning my doctorate, to strengthening my personal relationship with God, my work, my friendships, losing weight and truly becoming all God has called me to be: the authentic Mary Alice.