Welcome to 2012

First let me thank my sister-in-law, Erica, for the name of my blog. She affectionately calls me Sister Mary. I am my maternal grandmother's namesake: Mary Alice. I grew up detesting this name and referred to it as some country bumpkin name. I told my mother that I was going to change it when I became an adult. Well, obviously I did not. Although I am referred to as Mary, except by family, I have come to appreciate being named after my grandmother who died a few months before I was born. Apparently there are few things we have in common, besides my mother. I have a strong 6th sense as she did, I love hats (especially for church) and I have her beautiful smile.

I apologize in advance as this first post will be a lot of rambling...but there is just a few things I need to get out before I really get started. For those who know me a just a little here is some background information. I am a divorced mother of 3 children: Eboni, Dakarai, and Jazmyn who are now ages 11, 12 and 13. I have officially declared myself a workaholic and a glutton for punishment. Besides heading the advancement department of a Catholic high school, I am beginning the 3rd year of my doctorate program while juggling the academic/social life of my children as well as our spiritual life.

The end of 2011 found me doing a lot of reflection. While I am extremely blessed, I realize that my spiritual life has hit a bump in the road. Maybe it comes from being in my 40's and seeing life differently. Maybe it comes from feeling tired of playing church and neglecting the true experience of God. Maybe it comes from realizing what world my children are growing up in, how things are continuously changing (and not necessarily for the better) and wondering what legacy will be left to them. Along with that I am now facing the challenge of rearing 3 teenagers whose job is to obviously buck the system and become their own individuals. No doubt, anyone who knows my children already understand that they each have their very own distinct personality. But, I want to make sure that they continue to live and make decisions with the values, morals and spiritual foundation they have been given. Some of this I already witness as I listen to Eboni give her friends advice, as I watch Dakarai take up for a friend who is being bullied or buying his friend a movie ticket. Then there is Jazmyn who showed concern when one of our students, who could be considered a misfit, was sitting on the steps looking dejected, befriends the mentally challenged students in her school and cares for animals.

Then there is the flip side - living the nightmare of every parent with teenagers from the female emotional roller coaster to the young male who thinks he has acquired some manhood...lol. BTW...Eboni will be attending the school where I work next year. That will be a journey in itself - working at the high school your children attend. Then there is the tug and pull of whether or not I want a love life. While I have truly listened to my best friend and her husband tell me that at the end of the day there is nothing like having that person to lay your head on his shoulders or some one to share those little moments with...some days I feel guilty for not really wanting that. Have I become too comfortable in my own solitude? Like any human, I desire companionship but I don't how much I want to sacrifice to have it. Very often I like coming home not having to worry about anyone but the kids. I can give them sandwiches, take out, etc. I don't have to worry about that other body...talking to him, taking care of him, etc. Does that sound really selfish and crass? Hmmm. It is what it is.

Anyhooo....I have always loved journaling so I have decided to blog my next few years experience - the highs and the lows of my life from raising my teenage children, to earning my doctorate, to strengthening my personal relationship with God, my work, my friendships, losing weight and truly becoming all God has called me to be: the authentic Mary Alice.